Bad Dates

Life is too short for bad dates!

I was at a Ridley Road Market Bar with a friend, sitting across from the worst Tinder date in history. He was passionately describing the difference between pecorino and parmesan while she nodding, staring at the can in her hand. While he moved from one boring topic to another, she stayed fixed on the can.

My friend and I decided that it was our duty, as fellow sisters, to save her from this disastrous date and as soon as she went to the bathroom, I followed her.

I have often been described as a shonky motivational speaker when I’m under the influence of alcohol but I think my bathroom pep talk with this girl proved I’m less shonky and more motivational!

She returned from the bathroom a more empowered woman.

Empowered to bid her date adieu, pop on her coat and forget about swiping right, or left, for a long while.

Actually, I have no idea if she felt empowered or not, or even if she deleted tinder but she did prematurely end her bad date and I will take credit for that!

Here are the golden rules for leaving a date early without being a complete asshole (I use this term loosely because there is no good way to cut a date short):

  • First date is always drinks. Dinner is a massive time commitment and you really can’t leave early
  • Inception the busy week/next day at the beginning of the drinks so that it’s not a complete shock when you leave after three drinks
  • Have a minimum number of drinks you need to achieve before leaving. Mine is three, because any less than that and you’re mean
  • Choose your parting words carefully, especially if you never want to speak to this person again. Refrain from describing your time as: “great” “good” “amazing” etc, I personally, never describe my time and just say “it was nice to meet you”
  • Don’t feel bad, you’re doing them a favour in the long run



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